Upgrading Love

Love… You can get me talking forever when it comes to love.  Love is the most powerful emotion known to humankind.  Love is celebrated and love is feared, so it’s no surprise that love can start a war or bring you the riches of the world.  We write poems about love, we watch movies about love, we’re all obsessed with love.  Some of us end up settling for something rather than nothing when we don’t find the dream that is true love.

It is true that we can learn to love someone, although rather than calling it ‘love’ which is quite a generic term, it’s more about respecting and cherishing your partner.  And if you’re happy where you are and who you’re with, stay where you are. But for those of us who are still searching for that special someone, it’s time to quit that relationship and fall in love with ourselves.

Have you ever heard the expression ‘money attracts money’? It’s the same when it comes to love.  Take for example one of my clients, let’s call her Kate.  Kate came back to me for the second time after I helped her find the right guy.  Kate was in what I thought was a ‘happy relationship’.

If you want to find true love, fall in love with yourself first.

When Kate came back to me, it turned out the relationship had come to an end and when I asked her what happened to that guy, her answer was this: “He is great but I realised that I no longer need just a great guy, I am ready for true love.” It was such a simple statement and yet so honest and meaningful.  From being scared to enter the dating arena, this woman had come to realise she could have it all.  You should see her now.  Her newfound self-confidence and happiness make her glow from within. However, she wouldn’t have developed this confidence or inner happiness if she hadn’t taken the most important step: learning to love herself.

Photograph by Ben Rosett. 

So if you want to find true love, fall in love with yourself first.  Identify what you love about yourself.  Discover and celebrate the things you love about your body or your abilities.  Find something, anything, that you can admire about yourself.  Forget about loving anyone else but put all your energy into loving yourself first.  Once you’ve done that, you’ll no longer feel compelled to be on your best behaviour; showing only the ‘perfect’ side of yourself and you’ll be more willing to open yourself up to others which can prompt others to respond the same way.  By being yourself you can find someone who loves you for you, warts and all. Remember, ‘love loves love’.

And Kate? She is now truly in love with a guy she met recently.  They are in love with each other.

My number one piece of advice

Fall in love with yourself first. Forget about loving anyone else and put all your energy into loving you. Identify what you love about yourself. Discover and celebrate the things you love about your body or your abilities. Find something, anything that you can admire about yourself and write it down. Every morning, while you’re getting ready, stand in front of a mirror and say them out loud.

Olga Levancuka will help you transform your life.  She’s your Better in 30 Life Coach.  Author of ‘How To Be Selfish’ and ‘Increase Your Confidence in One Day,’ Olga has coached some of the UK’s most prominent entrepreneurs, celebrities and household political names.